Initiations – Part 2

It’s always a bit scary starting a new job – especially when you know you’re entering a tightly-knit team. We have a new guy on the watch and his luck deserted him on his second day. The watch were being shown a hydraulic platform machine (which is stationed at another station) to get familiar with it. Everyone was asked if they wanted to go up on the platform for a ride. A few put on the harness and climbed in with one of the operators. The new guy was encouraged to have a go as he hadn’t seen it before so he got in last. Just as he was about to go up, the operator on the platform got a phone call. Not a problem as the second operator could control it from the ground.

So our new guy gets raised up and shown the view. After a couple of minutes he is brought down and we notice he has put his visor down – he’s seen what’s coming. There are four firefighters armed with hoses waiting for him…

You can guess the rest.

How not to soak your colleagues

People get soaked all the time in the fire brigade for different reasons. Sometimes it can be an unprovoked attack, sometimes revenge. There is one golden rule though – don’t soak unless you are prepared for the consequences. One of our guys (who has a habit of backing himself into a corner) was squirting water from the top of a hydraulic platform when he had the bright idea of soaking one of his colleagues. He looked down and there they were – a perfect target. So, on went the hose and pretty quickly there was a soaking, angry firefighter standing beside the controls to the platform.

Our hero saw the danger too late as the water supply to the platform was switched off and the platform itself began to lower just as 2 other firemen prepared a couple of hoselines. Of course the platform stopped – just too high to jump off – and the water supply to the hoses was switched on…

Just like shooting fish in a barrel.

Initiations – Part 1

The new guy always gets it. Initiations have always been around but you can’t get away with as much as you used to. You do still get the odd good story though.

New Guy comes into the watch and is left alone for a few shifts. One night he’s told that there is something wrong with the communication system at the control room (the people who receive the 999 call and mobilise the stations). For some reason the control room can’t receive 999 calls. So the New Guy is told he’s on “Fire Watch” for the night. He’s given a blanket, a radio (to contact controls) and a pair of binoculars. He has to climb the drill tower in the yard and keep watch all night for fires. When he sees one he has to inform controls via radio. It’s cold and wet and as New Guy watches over the city, the rest of the watch are inside nice and warm….

Of course, New Guy actually stays up all night and manages to find and report a couple of fires…

How to wind up your boss…

True story. The watch were away for the Christmas do, staying in a B&B. After dinner and the obligatory pub crawl it was back to the lodgings for some nightcaps. The boss had a few in him and seemed in good form but not for long…

Two of the guys decided to wind him up. They got his room phone number and waited till he went to bed. Then they rang – every 5 minutes for a good while. The only thing they said was his name in a high-pitched voice. As time went on, he got more and more agitated until he got up and started wandering the corridors looking for the culprits. He found their room (knowing who did it) and tried to get in but the lads refused.

They waited till things were quiet and then fireman “A” checked to see if the coast was clear. It wasn’t. The boss was waiting outside the door. The conversation went as follows:

Boss: RIGHT! Where’s your sidekick?
Fireman “A”: How do you know I’m not his sidekick…?

Fireman “B” immediately took all his clothes off and sat on the toilet in a bid for innocence. While the boss was distracted, fireman “A” dropped to the floor and attempted to crawl out of the room unnoticed in an SAS stylee. The boss was still standing in the doorway and fireman “A” crawled over his feet, apparently thinking he was invisible.

The boss eventually gave up and went back to bed. While he was asleep a note was passed under his door. It read,”Please keep the noise down.”

The one about the banana and the thermal image camera

So there’s this group of girls (possibly nurses) who have organised a visit to their local fire station. The guys are quite excited and understandably want to show off. Time for a prank. So one guy gets hold of the thermal image camera and has an idea. A few seconds later and the camera is on and there is a banana in the microwave… He takes it out and puts it down the front of his trousers. His mate has a quick look through the camera and there’s the banana in all it’s glory.

A while passes and the girls turn up for their tour. They get shown round the fire engines, they play about with the hoses and then they get shown a few pieces of equipment. Meanwhile, the banana has cooled a bit so it’s back in the microwave. Eventually the girls are shown the camera. They’re told how to use it and asked to have a look around at all the firemen including our hero who’s at the end of the line with the banana stuffed down his trunks. The firemen are giggling about what the girls are about to see – all except one. Instead of the expected phallic symbol, the camera shows a fireman hopping about with a hot blob across his crotch.

Heating the banana the second time caused it to weaken to the point that when he put it down his pants, it sort of oozed out of it’s skin, leaving him with burnt mens bits and a girl getting the wrong sort of shock.